Hey Lightning fans! Let’s play a rousing game of “Who am I?”
I have scored just six goals in my last 34 games.
I am on pace to score only 16 goals this season, despite leading my team in shots on goal.
I have almost as many penalty minutes as points this season.
I was demoted to left wing for the first time in my career against New Jersey last night.
Nope. Maybe this will help.
My “frustration level is very high.”
Still don’t know?
I am a former 50-goal scorer and a 200-point center.
I missed another easy slam dunk goal last night when I got nervous.
C’mon Boltheads! You know who…right? Here’s one more hint.
I steal $10,000,000 per year from Oren Koules while skating as a third line NHL center/ left wing with an ugly 22 points and no power play goals.
I can no longer handle the puck for any length of time and I openly discuss my lack of confidence with the media.
Now you got it!
That’s right! It’s captain Vincent Lecavalier.
You know, the “face of the franchise.” The guy that former Bolts coach John Tortorella said is a great player but needs motivation. Well folks, that motivation is in his bank account for the rest of his career, and the Lightning are stuck with his unmotivated, squeezing the stick, frustrated carcass.
Get over yourself Vinny! Start playing hockey!
About the Author: WB Philp is a published hockey writer who has a built in disdain for Barry Melrose. He covered the Detroit sports teams for many years until he came to his senses and moved to the Sunshine State. He is a true puckhead on a mission from God (Gordie Howe) to make hockey relevant in the south. He lives in Hockey Bay USA and covers the Lightning full time. Did I mention he hates Barry Melrose?