A Capuano Easter

NHL hockey is a sport covered by many major media outlets. Players moves are instant YouTube videos. Every team has a post game show. Players and coaches are interviewed between each period. Print media and internet media are filled with quotes. But what happens when the games are over and these people lead their private lives? What then? Being that it seems like all quotes for all teams, no matter the result, are always the same, your faithful writers decided to have some fun and envision what Coach Capuano would have to say about his family’s spring holiday. Our imaginations took us up to New England to get some commentary on the Capuano family Easter celebration, which was a little early this year with the Islanders condensed lockout schedule.

Imagine if you will the excitement in the Capuano household on Easter morning. “Jack Jr” and “Jackette” (names changed because we’re too lazy to look them up) come running from their beds to see what the Easter Bunny brought for them, then to have a special breakfast and finally to participate in the family egg hunt. Taking this all in was Coach Capuano, who was kind enough to share some of his thoughts on the day with us.

“You know, the day stahted with the kids opening up ummm, their Easter baskets. Junior did well in some zones of the basket, you know, working through the chocolate and the peanut butter and mahhhshmallow stuff. He worked haaad. Jackette looked a little tight when going through her basket. She didn’t want to get into the dirty areas, like the chocolate bunny that melts in her hand. She asked for M and M’s, but I told that’s the basket you got, and you gotta work with it. She picked it up, though. She showed some physicality in biting the bunny’s ears off.”

Om nom nom

“At breakfast, Jackette really stood out. She had great utensil awareness at the table. Her ham and eggs presence was off the charts. She went right for the meat. It was like she tilted the table to get an advantage. One thing we have to work on is putting the caps back on the soda bottle. Someone must have opened one yesterday, because the soda came out flat. You know, you hope that you get the jump you need from the caffeine.”

“The egg hunt didn’t work out like we planned. We wanted to keep it to the outside, but the kids did a good job with bringing it in. Maybe it made the kids tired, as I didn’t see the compete level I expected out theyah. The kids should have been a lot better at home, but they missed at least fowah of the eggs. They didn’t want to go into the corners, but that’s wheyah you gotta go if you want to win the egg hunt. They really showed no emotion when collecting those colorful eggs. Not a lot of spirit considering the holiday.”

When asked if the breakfast was good, Capuano said “I’m not gonna comment on the breakfast.” The food was later sent to Bridgeport. It took a week to get there.

As you can see, even with fictional quotes, it’s more of the same.