Crosby’s Concussion Symptoms Actually Due to Month Long Bender.

Reports that Pittsburgh Penguins star Sidney Crosby has suffered a setback in his recovery from a pair of concussions are being dismissed by his agent as merely ‘being in Halifax during the summer’

On Monday, CTV News reported that Crosby halted training after the reappearance of concussion-like symptoms including headaches, nausea, sensitivity to light, irritability and a compulsion for Clamato juice.

Pat Brisson, Crosby’s agent, said the centre has adjusted his training to address the long overdue sunshine and warm weather in Nova Scotia. “Listen, if you spend 6 hours on patios along Spring Garden Road with nothing in your belly but Corona and deep fried pepperoni you’d feel concussed too”.

Local proprietors, when given a list of concussion symptoms, tended to agree. Bartender Angus MacLean commented that “Loss of consciousness, vomiting & slurred speech? Yeah, that sounds like most of the regulars at wing night.” While server Anita Campbell deadpanned that Halifax born Brad Marchand’s post Stanley Cup ““concussion symptoms” are going to get him banned from the shooter bar if he keeps this up”.

Crosby himself remains evasive, when reached for comment he asked this reporter to “Keep it down for the love of God” and inquired “What day is it anyway?”