Gretzky, Hull and Modano excited to begin series of bitter, acrimonious disputes.

In a surprise development today, former NHL greats Wayne Gretzky and Brett Hull and current NHL ‘pretty decent’ Mike Modano have announced plans to cast aside years of friendship and mutual respect. The plan, which involves the purchase of the troubled Dallas Stars NHL franchise, is a perfect storm of fiscal instability, conflict of interest and general inexperience.

Modano is particularly enthusiastic about the lack of clearly defined roles within the new group. “I was worried that we’d agree to legally partition certain parts of the business but thankfully we’ve agreed to wing it. I cannot wait to start vetoing purchases and exchanging passive-aggressive memos with Brett and Wayne.”
A current assistant captain with the Stars, Modano also eagerly relishes the opportunity to foster dissent among other active players. Winger James Neal is already practicing sound bites with Modano involving terms such as ‘distraction’, ‘out of touch’ and ‘played during a different time’.

Wayne Gretzky could not be more elated to be back in the game after his unceremonious exit as head coach of the Phoenix Coyotes. “It’s hard when you’re in the process of tarnishing your legacy and it gets cut short due to ownership issues. My name alone generates enough good will to stifle argument and really run a team into the ground. I know I’ve been given a second chance and believe me; I will make the most of it.”

Brett Hull, for his part, has already begun undermining current GM Joe Nieuwendyk on both contract and draft decisions and has been seen screaming “Brett’s Back Baby! Brett’s Back!” to anyone who will listen.

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About the Author: Al Rankin writes vicariously through others. You probably shouldn't trust what he says, although it's cool to lend him money, he's totally good for it. @Al_Rankin on Twitter

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