A livid Brian Burke traveled forward in time yesterday to condemn the actions of his future self, calling the 5 year, $27 Million deal for winger Phil Kessel an “act of desperation” by a GM “fighting to keep my job”.
Appearing for the Toronto press in turbulent sphere of electrical energy, a naked Burke quickly rose from a crouch and donned a suit provided by Senior V.P. Dave Nonis. Burke said it wasn’t the number of draft picks that angered him , but rather the amount of money offered. “I think it’s a tool certainly a team is entitled to use. My issue here is that I, that is my future self, have offered a grossly inflated salary for a player, and it impacts on all 30 teams”
The war of words escalated today when present day Brian Burke held his own press conference. “While I certainly respect my opinion I also feel that I am way off base in regards to this deal”. 2009 Brian Burke explained that his time traveling doppelganger was still riding the high of his recent Stanley Cup victory and did not appreciate the work and stress involved in the rebuilding process “I think it’s a classless move timing-wise, I thought that was gutless.”
Before returning to his own time a visibly delighted 2007 Brian Burke cackled with glee after being told the Edmonton Oilers had missed the playoffs for the last 2 years and began giggling when informed of Dustin Penner’s contributions during that time.
About the Author: Al Rankin writes vicariously through others. You probably shouldn't trust what he says, although it's cool to lend him money, he's totally good for it. @Al_Rankin on Twitter