If the Leafs wanted an overpaid slapshot with questionable defensive skills so badly why’d they trade me?
Phaneuf? The Hell? Seriously?
Oh wow, yeah, sure, great move there guys. You know what wasn’t a great move? Trucking all my crap from Toronto to Miami in the middle of September. It’s literally the worst moving month ever, all the U-Haul stuff is booked and it takes weeks to get your phone hooked up thanks to all the G.D. students moving back in. Don’t even get me started on the snowbird traffic.
What are you guys thinking? Do you even remember the fiasco we went through? Apparently not, let’s recap Dion Phaneuf’s story then?
Young offensive defenseman with big shot averages around 50 points a season before his contract expires, gets rewarded with a multi-year extension averaging $6 million per. He initially plays well but soon his production fades which draws attention to his lack of defensive skill. Fans revolt and demand a trade.
Sound familiar? It sure as hell rings a bell with old Boo-ryan. I still haven’t fully unpacked and you’re trading away like 19 players to get a dirtier, crankier, more expensive version of me back. What’s next on the agenda, finding an almost indistinguishable replacement for Darcy Tucker? I hear Carcillo is available.
Anyways screw you guys, playing in Florida is wicked, I’ve scored like 5 goals in my own net and no-one even notices.
P.S. As of today I have two more points than Phaneuf and with a better plus minus. Just sayin’.
About the Author: Al Rankin writes vicariously through others. You probably shouldn't trust what he says, although it's cool to lend him money, he's totally good for it. @Al_Rankin on Twitter