All Entries in the "Satire" Category
EXCLUSIVE: Inside the GM Meetings
You know, having written for a two-bit hockey website for four years (I know it’s a two-bit site, I pay the bills) I never had any type of access to the inner workings of the game of hockey. Lo and behold, as soon as I cast my lot with a highfalutin’ site like Hockey Independent, [...]
Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here
Salutations, Hockey Independent readers. Allow me to introduce myself – the name’s Frank Nova. While the name isn’t that familiar to most (truth be told, probably any) of you, you may know me better by my nom de blog “Forklift”, over at Hockeenight. I’ve also shown up a few times in the Committed Indian, and [...]
A New Take Coming To Light On The Mike Milbury Situation
A conflicting tale of Mike Milbury alleged assault on a 12-year boy is coming to light. There seems to be a wide disparity between witnesses’ observations on the post-peewee game antics that has landed the off-air NBC analyst in hot water, crimes and misdemeanors. Per this new take, evidently Milbury was merely breaking up [...]
Brian Burke’s NHL Fight Club Rules
The first rule of NHL Fight Club is you do not tweet about NHL Fight Club.
A Very Tortorella Thanksgiving
The roaring fire is crackling in the fireplace. The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is on the big-screen television, and is just wrapping up. Santa Claus’ float rolls though Herald Square. The grandfather clock strikes noon. John Tortorella (scowling): “Well, that sucked from head to toe.” Tortorella changes the channel to FOX for the first football [...]
Ice On The Brain
So I’m sitting here with a bag of frozen pierogies on my head. Why? Because the laziest hockey blogger in the blogosphere recently got a hair transplant. Yes. That’s me. Lazy and balding. Creatively-challenged and follicly-cursed. It’s not easy for a woman to admit this, so I’ll just share it with you, dear, dedicated Hockey [...]
LA Kings prospect calls Anaheim Ducks fan ‘a lost cause’
Kaunisto during Rookie Camp (photo: CIKIRI) It’s time for the return of the Yooper. Ray Kaunisto, a 6-foot-4 left wing, played 57 games for Manchester last season, the Kings’ AHL affiliate. He had 14 points (8 goals, 6 assists) and finished with a minus-6 rating. Not exactly numbers that will shoot him past Brandon Kozun [...]
Crosby’s Concussion Symptoms Actually Due to Month Long Bender.
A report that Pittsburgh Penguins star Sidney Crosby has suffered a setback in his recovery from a pair of concussions is being dismissed by his agent as merely ‘being in Halifax during the summer’
It’s a Hard Life: the Alexei Kovalev Story
Recently Dmitry Chesnokov of Puck Daddy’s Yahoo Sports translated a Russian interview Kovalev had with Pavel Lysenkov of Sovetsky Sports. Alexei Kovalev was pretty clear for his dislike of Ottawa during his 2 year deal. Kovalev is an interesting character. He has the skill set of some of the best hockey players in the [...]
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And The Award Goes To …
A few days ago I received an invitation from a friend to come to an Oscar viewing party Sunday night. The sad thing is, I have been so off the grid when it comes to pop culture of late, I didn’t even realize that the Oscars were this Sunday. Hell, I had no idea who [...]
Did Mike Gillis Jinx His Players?
It’s bizarre how an innocuous comment, statement or sentence can sometimes come back and haunt a person. On January 11th 2011 the Canucks were due to start a 5 game road trip and had just won four of its previous 5 games, the only loss was in the shootout to an injury plagued Detroit side. [...]
New Jersey Devils fire John MacLean, bring back Jacques Lemaire, duhh!
After 33 games, the axe fell and the head finally rolled, just in time to celebrate Christmas with your friends and family… well everyone, except John MacLean who was fired earlier today by GM Lou Lamoriello. With a paltry 20 points so far this season, the Devils are on pace for a dismal 50-point season, [...]
A Visit From St. Glen
‘Twas the night before Christmas and throughout MSG Not a player was skating, not even Chris Drury. The jerseys were hung in their lockers with care, Knowing that soon the Islanders would be there. The Dolans were home fast asleep in their beds, Visions of playoff revenue going “ka-ching” in their heads. And John Tortorella [...]
Super new idea from NHL
The NHL has contracted with a group led by Stan Lee to create superheroes based on NHL teams… Here’s a few suggestions.
Ilya Kovalchuk’s Diary
After recently visiting Ilya Kovalchuk’s new pad, I found the following diary and decided to share it with the world because I am an awful, awful friend. Day 1 – Dear diary, I have arrived in New Jersey. While the city itself is a tad busier than Atlanta, I still feel like I am at [...]
Letters to BJ: Hockey Summit
Hello sports fans, and thanks for tuning in to Letters to BJ. Today, we have some great questions from a few popular faces at this year's World Hockey Summit. Let's see what we have in our bag of goodies. Our first letter today is from Slavomir Lener, the hockey director of the [...]
Rules to Live By
When I’m asked what I do for a living, I always laugh before I answer. It’s not that my job is funny per se, it’s just a bit unique. I know you’re probably thinking, “Why is she thinking about her job on a long holiday weekend? What’s the matter with her? Why isn’t she sitting [...]
PRONGER’S PUCKS: We Uncover That His Puck Stealing Skills Are Just The Tip Of The Iceberg
We here at HockeyIndependent strive to investigate thoroughly any and all issue or NHL scandal. When Pronger stole the Stanley Cup game pucks, we here snapped into action. We have conducted a thorough investigation into Mr. Pronger and this is what we discovered in his Philly suburb house… The Brinks Job: If one looks closely, [...]
